The Chaos Before the Calm: Pre-publishing Stress from this Patriarchy Mess

Why "Going Live" is Giving Birth.

I've been working on something big for a few months. I'm THIS close to publishing it, sharing it with you, and finally putting it out in the world, which is a relief. I always liken pushing out writing or creative work to giving birth. Using that metaphor, I am currently in the ring of fire; IYKYK.

Being this close and struggling—it’s the same in childbirth—seems never ending and yet, so close–and it's bringing up ALL THE FEELS. This thing I’m creating will either make sense, or people will think...wait what? Why did you spend so much time on THAT?

It's not the first time I've attempted something new or put my creative process on display. I am always experimenting with the best ways to share information and how to level up my designs. I am a visual processor, which is ironic for someone with aphantasia, but many creative people are. We make sense of the world through diagrams, infographics, and visual storytelling but have no “mind’s eye.”

I believe it’s why artists make great curators—because we do more than appreciate art. We SEE everything and are intentional about the parts to amplify from years of practice. We consume content like air and use it for inspo.

As a curator, I've tried different ways to share what I know: to pull out the essential info from the firehose of information (h/t Stone Cairns), to create an arc that pulls the thread together in long form, or even to create a mini-feed of my own.

I've mentioned before that I'm an avid beta tester—love the dopamine hit of figuring out a new program, and I on a never ending quest for more ethical tech tools.

When I say relentlessly experiment to find the best way to show creative content, I am not exaggerating. Example A and B: versions of the GIF I created to announce this new project...tested in 2 formats, on two different sites, with 2 different user experiences. (Which one do you prefer? Sign up to let me know in the comments.)

Example A.

Giphy .gif file, embedded via iFrame in html code block.

via infodumpster fire on GIPHY

Example B.

.mp4 file, on loop, uploaded to Ghost via "video."

Do you see the differences? I sure AF do! Do I think either are perfect? Nope.

Does everyone care this much? That, I don’t know, but I do know that those I've work with has benefitted from my attention to this level of detail, and offered praise for it.

Experience tells me those from my neurodivergent community, fellow social entrepreneurs, creative and visual thinkers, educators, and pretty much any human who gives a $hit appreciates my way with words. The evidence is also in my DMs on LinkedIn, (and those quick notes keep me going). I believe how I say it (or show it) is just as important. I aim to make it interesting enough to warrant someon's time. (If you're already a subscriber, this especially applies to you.)

Why do I test and obsess over every line weight or color? I'm a designer; it's in my DNA. If you've ever met an artist or designer, being "done" is not something we do well, because we know through iteration and feedback, we can always improve.

When you're process is iterative and cyclical, it makes the idea of a finish line harder to pin down. Which brings me back to another part of creative process: the voice that questions more than the root of my idea, but the essence of me as a creative leader.

The Voice of Men

There's a pernicious thing that happens right before "going live" with my "art." It always rears it's ugly head right before I am about to finish something major, like clockwork.

"Who do you think you are?"

"You sure your Hot Take isn't just a hot mess?"

The Powers That Be cause capable, hardworking, creative and experienced people to second guess everything, myself included. This comes from years in design roles and agency environments, where men with important titles would literally whisper about me in front of my face as I commanded a room.

Who's that, again? one Managing Director asked of the CD. Did they ask that of the freelance art director teams that followed me, a parade of newer faces with far less knowledge than I did about the entire project? Not usually, because they were usually men, judged solely on the quality of their ideas. Hegemony demands credentialism from some but not others.

It's fitting as hell, and oh so meta, that I hear that voice whisper "You're not the one", a final attempt to have me self-censor with the project I am about to share. The irony of it all would make me laugh to stop myself from crying. There is no one is more unqualified to dictate what information to share than the people currently leading our government. From book bans to security breaches, it's clear they have no idea what they're doing.

The thing is—they don't care. As privileged wealthy white men, they literally don't have that voice telling them: "Who do you think you are?" They believe in their core, they ARE the one. They'll tell anyone who'll listen, they are the one and only who can (waves hands) fix this mess.

Why, then do I listen to that voice, even for a second? I shouldn't (and neither should you!)

Instead, maybe I should listen...

...the validation of the 18k people who follow me on LinkedIn, the hundreds of people who've come through FLOWLab, the dozens of clients who've listen to my advice, or hired me to create and connect the dots.

...the actual publications who printed my work, or remind myself of the company I keep.

...my new 2,500 followers on Bluesky, and take it as more than just a "vanity" metric.

Maybe I should share MY credentials ONE MORE TIME, before I share my 🔥 Hot Take. Maybe I need to prove I know what I know, with a list of a few hundred citations like I did in my (Wo)manifesto—proof I did, in fact, #DoTheWork.

OR MAYBE I should remember, merit is a ruse; the Powers That Be apply rules selectively. They decide"expertise" by their cronies and nepotism. They allow anyone who can buy their way in to ascend to the highest office. With no experience, and a slew of skeletons in their closet, they're given the mic. Their conflicts of interest are as opaque as their lined pockets.

It's why big tech has unearned power to silence dissent. Uncle Algo is their tool.

The truth is, IDNGAF.

I've never "respected" titles, hierarchy, or authority. I never cared which people thought I had the right to voice an opinion, to speak up. I've ALWAYS challenged those who told me to sit on my hands, to not weigh in on topics they deemed "above my pay grade." I dissent anyway.

I don't stay in my lane well...AND that's WHY I'm rad at what I do. It's why CEOs and leadership hire me to GSD. They call me when they're stuck, need blockers removed, or need to "activate the troops."

I don't lack focus; I lack the filter The Powers That Be wish I'd use to water down my POV. I will not be silent. Sorry, not sorry. I see it all quite clearly, and take the time to ensure you do too.

As the great Paul Simon wrote, "I know what I know. I said what I said."

Please subscribe and stay tuned for The Hot List - Deep Dive, a new zine with the TL;DR, Hot Takes, memes, and longer analysis, curated from our non-stop 24/7 stream of media and dumpster fires. Issue 1 drops today, tomorrow...very soon!

P.S. If you've read this far, I lied. Sooner is better than later and I'm done with the voice and the tweaking. Enough is enough; I'm dropping it like it's...well you know. Here's a link to preview Vol 1. Issue 1. Feedback is more than welcome! And now, it's time for a nap.